Monday, February 21, 2005

From the desk of CIA Director, Porter Goss

By Kurt Opprecht, with Matthew Reiss

To Do List: Week One

Finish memo for nominations to new Axis of Evil

Pick up night vision reading glasses from repair dept

Secure final details for “shooting date” with Rummy and Dick (+ find a new bp vest)

Grab one of those Space Pens off Negroponte’s desk

Mexico: Sleeping Giant! (Hispanic cells: El Qaeda?)

Bigger flag for office

Any good KGB agents left to recruit? (“Left” – Ha)

Photo op with Paris H and Pamela A for anti-spyware ad

Apply for trademarks: “Freedom” and “Democracy”

Hollow out Bible for candy storage

Start blog. (Working title: Daily Goss?)

Squelching, squelching, squelching! – unsubscribe

Find Ukrainian dioxin soup recipe

Download Pres. Medal of Freedom application form

Arabic calligraphy practice

Meet with Alberto on new “torture” definition

Sign off on wiretaps for Planned Parenthood

See about extending Barbara Boxer’s Guantanamo “tour”

Remember: dinner tonight with Deep Throat at Novacs’s


By Kurt Opprecht, with Matthew Reiss

Copyright New York Gang, 2005.

This commentary is available for publication.
Contact Kurt, at

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