Wednesday, January 10, 2007

Victory in Iraq!

Dubya and his buddies in the press, (Paula Zahn at CNN this evening, for one), are still hung up on the Victory issue. But really, who can blame them? This whole “war” thing is starting to smell bad and this is their last chance to save face for all the mongering they’ve been doing for the five years 2001-2006.

Since any pragmatic assessment of the situation yields a verdict of loss, loss and loss on all sides, may I propose a more ego-saving process? Let’s judge victory on the same terms by which we judge our sporting events. If Victory must be proclaimed, (and it must) let us decide it as they do in the boxing ring, on the basis of damage done.

Let's send a tuxedoed judge to the White House with a microphone: "Civilians Killed - Iraq: 982. US: 300,000. Soldiers killed - Iraq: 3,012. US: 7,820. Value of infrastructure destroyed: Iraq: Two trillion dollars. US: Two gazillion bazillion dollars!" He shall lift Dubya's little fist into the air, and loudly proclaim, "The clear winner of the Iraq War, George W. Bush and the American Military Industrial Complex!"